abbsquake, the blog

Call the Waaaambulance

Today would probably be a good candidate for a photo or a link post… Something less self indulgent & bleak. But I’m going to be real instead. I am having a day where I feel lost. I feel like I am going in circles & getting no closer to anything better. Every other minute I seem to be tripping up on some stupid thing in conversation, eliciting terse responses from the Mr., accomplishing what feels like nothing, and wallowing in post-vacation hangover. We had a great time in California for the last several days. We got to spend time outdoors (in short sleeves!) with our awesome family, eat amazing food, leave the job searching & the worries behind for a few days & take a break. Obviously for those reasons, it was hard to return – harder than I expected. While I am incredibly grateful that it was sunny & relatively warm back in the old MN today, I am just feeling directionless & depressed…trying to find the comfort of a routine & the space within it for a couple of projects that have (thankfully) come my way, but finding that our current routine doesn’t offer a whole lot of comfort in that it doesn’t include many of the elements that I would like it to at this point in time/life.

I am well aware that it could be SO much worse & in knowing that, I have to acknowledge that I am very grateful for my situation, my struggles, & the luxury of getting to bitch about them here.

As my illustration above shows, I know (believe) that the treasure chest is somewhere (in the broad sense – yes, I hope it has some gold coins, but I hope it also has many other aspects & fun surprises, too). But the map doesn’t show me how to get there. It’s not even a maze – I don’t even get the satisfaction of knowing when I hit a dead end…it’s just a wide open beige field of unknown to keep traversing… I’d love to hit upon an arrow one of these days.

[Thank you for letting me vent.]

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This entry was published on January 30, 2012 at 8:06 PM and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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