Now, are the cookies fresh? Were they made like today or yesterday? Yes? Which day? Ok, how fresh are they on a scale of fresh to not super fresh? Ok fine, I’ll take one oatmeal raisin and one chocolate chip, but I want the second one from the top. Or maybe the one on the bottom. It’s not too much trouble for you to maneuver 20 giant cookies out of the jar to get to that one, right? I mean I am bringing one dollar and ninety-five whole cents business to your establishment here! Oh let me squeeze it through the tissue paper once you have it out of the jar. Hmm, [lips pursed] it doesn’t feel as fresh as I would like. [Barista blank stare…] Oh, alright, I guess I’ll just buy them. But if they’re not as fresh as I like, I won’t be coming in again.
Of course, if that were true, the baristas wouldn’t nod knowingly as I relayed this story saying “Ahh, yes. The Cookie Lady.”